Going Under.....

Ahhh.. I have found my weakness.. My downfall..
Yeah.. It sucks... Not even I am immune to the bullshit...

I have caught the cold from hell... Lets hope it stays as only a cold..
I truly feel like shit and It's been a VERY long time since I've been sick like this. Normally I get sick like this on Jan 2nd. No I'm not making that up. I usually party on New Years Eve. It's usually the one time a year we actually do party and we usually party outdoors. It has not failed me yet. Every year I get sick on either Jan 1st or Jan 2nd. Twice I've ended up in the ER on Jan 2nd w/ an extremely high fever and my throat almost swollen shut and most other times I just end up in the drs office. I can be feeling completely fine New Years Eve and with in a day or two I'm extremely sick. Funny thing or maybe not is that I don't even have to party New Years Eve to get sick. The years I was pregnant or breastfeeding I didn't party yet I still ended up in the doctors office a few days later w/ strep throat. Most of the time it's strep throat. A few times it's actually ended up being the flu. So we'll hope this sticks to being the cold from hell.

It all started with what i'm calling the black friday from hell... For some fucked up reason I let my judgment slip and I failed to listen to my instincts and do what I knew was best for me. Instead I let the years of my sister and mom pressuring me get to me and I decided to actually go shopping with them on black friday. This was a bad idea from the start. I HATE shopping. It's not my thing. I hate people.. Sorry I do.. It's the truth. Even more I hate people in groups. Or shall I say in mobs. Even more I hate crazy psycho people who think shoving and pushing and running and being stupid is worth a 20 dollar cut on anything. News Flash... IT'S NOT!!!!! Not even the electronics that make up my heaven...

Now see it wasn't so bad at first. I can handle the getting up by 3 am. I didn't even go to sleep Thursday night. That wasn't a problem. I'm used to that. The first place we went was to Khols. Wonderful right? Yeah.. Whatever.. Nothing real wonderful about it really. It's just a store. People weren't going insane there. Maybe they just hadn't warmed up yet. It was pretty chilly outside. My mom got the last big telescope they had. She had been after it for 2 years now. She finally got it and so we left there and headed to Target.

Yeah.. FUCK THAT!!!!!! That's were insanity lives and breathes and probably breeds. It was fucking insane. Listen up peeps if you were at Target that morning and you pushed or shoved or yelled at anyone.. I mean this exactly how it sounds. YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!!!! There is no other way around it. There is no need to act that way. Watching the masses act like fucking fools just furthers my belief that people are fucking stupid. It just backs up what i've been saying all along. First we waited outside while they had ONE fucking door open letting people in one at a time. People were bitching about buggies and how slow shit was moving and a radio station was there playing crap music passing out Donuts or some shit and then the news was there.. Seriously.. when shopping brings out the news.. Society has problems!! There are bigger things the news could be covering other than people acting like idiots on black friday. This again just furthers my beliefs in society and people in general. *shrugs*

Once inside... The insanity grew. It was seriously a huge fucktoid of problems. I'm pretty certain there were many laws broken and maybe the fire code too. I was surrounded by mass confusion and idiotic people. This was a massive problem to start with. THen my mom and sister walked off and left me to my own defenses. I'm not sure where they thought this was a good idea. It's pretty much a good idea NOT to leave me alone with people acting stupid b/c my reactions are rarely good. Not only did they leave me alone but they decided to do it near the electronics and toy departments.. Oh yeah HUGE mistake. I had to go through the biggest mass in the store to get out of it. Traffic was at a standstill people were yelling over the confusion and the people working there were standing there shellshocked. And I was counting to ten and from ten and breathing deep trying to control my anger and my instinct to hurt people.

When traffic stopped infront of me for the 10th time a lady rammed her buggy into my ankles. She not only did this once but she did it twice. Then when I finally thought I was going to get out of the bullshit traffic stopped again so people could yell like morons again and then the lady rammed into my ass. At this point I swear you could probably see steam coming out of my ears and my knuckles were white from holding onto the buggy so tightly. I was fighting to keep myself in check... THEN she made the mistake of ramming her buggy into my ankles again. That was it.. I couldn't take it anymore. I was livid and was pretty damn sure I was going to claw her eyes out since she obviously wasn't using them to see in the first place or at the very least remove her arms from her body so she wasn't able to push the buggy into anyone else again. My rage was flowing freely by that point but when I turned around it was a little old lady who looked like my grandmother. Now I KNOW she knows what she was doing. I KNOW she knew good and well I was livid and was prepared to ram her head into the endcap closest to us because the look on her face told me so, but.. I had to stop myself. I couldn't imagine hitting my grandmother or anyone else doing that to her no matter how big of a bitch she was. So I flashed her a huge go to hell look and turned around and demanded the person infront of me get the fuck out of my way NOW. Finally the sea parted and they let me through.

I swear we were there FORFUCKINGEVER!!!!! I was never more ready to leave target than I was at that point. I'm not sure I'll ever step foot in that store again. The check out lines were horrendous people were idiotic and the only good thing was getting a shit load of towels for 1.50 ea..

After that we headed maybe to the mall? I don't know.. All I know is that by 2pm we had hit Kohls, Target, Bealls, JcPenney's, Bath & Body Works, Old Navy, Lowes, Walmart, Books A Million, and a few other lil stores in the mall that I can't exactly remember. I have no idea WHY people do that. THe savings IMO are so not worth it. People are idiots. I have no idea why I went. I knew what would happen and I knew how I'd feel about it and how much i'd hate it. NOTHING has changed. I'm just even more cemented in my belief that black friday is the spawn of satan and that it makes people evil.

I walked for 12 hours straight through bullshit and madness and people crying and yelling and screaming and what pissed me off the most was seeing people dragging their kids out in the shit at 4 am w/ it fucking cold as hell to stand in line at a fucking store. Sorry your 6 month old child has no business out at 4 am in the fucking cold so you can save 10 bucks off a video game.. thats insane and YOU need your head checked.. NOt to mention the lack of clothing that was on the child.. insane! and to think i'm the one who sees a shrink and is on meds..

Moving on..

By the time I got home I was tired. So very fucking tired.. And my head hurt and my feet were killing me. I went home and slept. I woke up later that night to eat and went back to sleep. I slept till almost noon the next morning. I was so sore and tired. My body felt like I had been hit by a mack truck. Saturday night wasn't any better than Friday night. I felt worse and Sunday I was again worse. By Monday I had the beginnings of a cold and here I am today even worse than yesterday. I will never ever ever ever again subject myself to that fuckery. It's not worth it. I didn't even get to hit anyone for acting like a fucktard.. But yet I'm sick now.. blah.. Shit happens..

Anyhow so If i'm not around much as I havent been since Wed night.. It's because i'm recovering from a hellish cold. My throat is on fire and my asthma is trying to take me out.

Because i've been so out of touch w/ my usual reality (read that to say twitter, bloggerland, etc..) I feel so out of the loop lately.. if i've missed something important.. fill me in please.. Otherwise I leave you with a fic rec...

1. In The Blood by fragilefoxes.- fragilefoxes is a collaborative effort by onepushyfox and afragilelittlehuman. These two ladies are magnificent.Truly.. In The Blood is a work in progress as of right now its only 7 chapters long but so far its great.

The summary given by the authors is :
After 91 years, Bella returns to Chicago to find a mate. Edward mourns the loss of his humanity and his abandonment by his maker. Can they overcome their dark pasts and forgive? Rated M violence & lemons . E, B, Em, R, C, & Es. AU/OOC.

What I can tell you: You haven't seen Bella done like this, nor have you seen Emmett played like this. I LOVE this Emmett and I think you will too! 

2. Last Love Found by Oracle Vas - Cris is a great author. This story is the sequel to her story First Love Lost. It's a Jasper/Bella story so if thats not your thing you should steer clear. Currently 34 chapters.. AH


Author's Description: 
When everything a person wants is wrong for them, what choice should they make? Should they stick with the bad and hope for the best or choose the good and live with the pain of losing what they want most? I didn't have an answer. All I had was Jasper.

What I can tell you: If you haven't read First Love Lost you need to read it first. I fell in love with this story of course after falling for First Love Lost. I guess truly people either love her Jasper or they hate him. It's easy to do both. He doesn't play the hero. He plays the fucked up bad boy with a history that has screwed him more than once, but truly everyone in the story is pretty fucked up. They've all got issues and it can be pretty emotional. As for me. I love this Jasper. From the beginning I saw more in him than just a messed up controlling bad boy. It's really worth reading. Even more so if you enjoy Jasper stories! I do believe this is one of the few stories I've hated Carlisle in.

Now... I haven't gotten any writing done since last Tuesday b/c of the holiday and all the cooking and preparing and then getting sick. I hope to be able to finish ch 5 this week. It is half done. I've just been so worn out and feeling like shit i've been literally unable to write.

New Moon... New Moon... My Fucked up night...

Anyone feel like squeeing? I know I did.
Well that is BEFORE the movie... Once in the theater and sitting down It was all business. Well as much "all business" as I could muster.
I got to go on Saturday night. The night I had been waiting an entire year had finally came, and let me tell ya... It went NOTHING like I expected. Well my day that is..

First of all.. I was completely looking for a good day. Anticipation had been built up. First kid free night in YEARS.. I was soooooo looking forward to that day! Kid free night & New Moon.. Who could fucking ask for more?

Well I could!

I didnt get in bed Friday night until well.. Almost 5am Saturday.. Then I was woken up at 9am.. Yea never a good thing to wake me up on the weekend. EVER. You don't fucking do it. Strike 1 against hubs for the day. Then.. The kids kept asking every 5 minutes what time we were leaving or if it was time to go yet. This went on the ENTIRE day. From 9am until 5:30 pm I heard "are we leaving yet? Are you ready? Is it time?" That was enough to put me in a pissy mood, but had it NOT been enough.. Hubs was a TOTAL jackass.. He did everything in his power to make me completely fucking miserable the entire day. He messed with me non stop. He pushed me and pushed me when he knew I was very close to breaking down and flipping out, and do you know what happened when he pushed further. Yep. You've got it.. Mental/emotional melt down. He pushed me so far I was on the verge of tears all day.. Oh which pisses me off anyhow.. Make me cry.. That just ticks me off even more. The kicker of the situation is that he knows how bad it was. He knew exactly what he was doing. I was a ticking time bomb just waiting to fucking explode and he was egging it on. He wanted to see how far he could push me and he pushed me so far I ALMOST didn't go see the movie. The movie I had waited an ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR FOR!!! All b/c the jackass didn't know when to stop or didn't care to stop. I was officially an emotional freaking mess by the time 5:30 came. I took the kids over to my friends house even though at the time I was still unsure i'd actually make it to the movie in my state of mind/emotional turmoil. On the off chance I'd actually make it to the show I took them and dropped them off at 6.

We then went to dinner. Where hubs' antics kept right on. My nerves were officially shot and I was rounding that point where I could have plead temporary insanity and it work. He was definitely in danger by that point. So we're eating and the waitress keeps coming around and it was bugging me. I dont like someone standing over me at a restaurant. Go away already and let us enjoy our dinner. It was the first one we'd had kidless in how long? But she kept fucking coming around. Then hubs asks if I recognize her.. Umm SHOULD I? He said yes.. I had no clue who the fuck she was.. What did I care? He then calls her baby! oh yeah.. the claws almost came out, but at that point I was so livid, I didn't really give a fuck anymore. I was seconds from shoving a fork through his eye. BUT.... Yes there's always a but or a then.. which is the next part. THEN... I over hear the waitress telling another waitress something about hubs. I couldn't make out all of it but I heard her gushing.." and we used to go to school together" and saw her point at my table.. By that point I had to get out of there or someone was going to die. I literally sat there gritting my teeth seething b/c If I opened my mouth.. Someone was going to get hurt and a huge scene was going to unfold before the entire restaurant and the police would be called and going to jail would interfere w/ my non refundable tickets to see New Moon. So instead I sat there gritting my teeth, digging my nails into my palm, willing myself calm so I didn't hurt someone. The whole counting to 10 shit or counting backwards from 10 shit does NOTHING for that type of rage. Not a fucking thing.. BUT the thought of sitting in jail while you should be seeing New Moon.. That does help..

While we're in the restaurant the inlaws fucking call. Hubs answers it which imo is a big no no when you're sitting there eating. Even more so b/c its the fucking inlaws.. So they convince hubs that we need to come straight home after eating b/c FIL the asshat needs to see whats on the game camera like RIGHT THEN.. It couldn't wait till sunday.. Newp it had to be right then and i'm the only one who has a computer.. Which btw.. FIL loathes and thinks I shouldn't own. YET he needs ME to check his camera.. oh the irony.. fucktard.. I hate that man (i'm in quite the mood aren't I?)... so we rush home like good lil fuckign kids do who mind their parents and never stand up to them.. *roll eyes* I check the fucking game camera and guess what.. While there are deer on there.. HUGE fucking deer.. Its the same pictures from last time and the jackass had the nerve to sit there and argue w/ me that the pictures were not the same. That I was wrong. HELLO MOTHER FUCKER.. SEE THAT DATE RIGHT FUCKING THERE.. YES THAT ONE.. ITS RIGHT! I know the man can't read (literally) but come the fuck on! So moving on.

They leave and hubs falls asleep on the couch. He wouldn't wake up so when its time to leave.. I try to wake him he doesnt get up I say FUCK YOU i could have taken someone who mattered with me to see this movie but newp you have to ruin my entire day and now my night too and then I slam the door.. Yes at that point I was not rational but if you had been there you'd fucking understand... It's not until he hears the car crank that he realizes that yes i'm a determined lil bitch at this point and I am planning to leave with out him. He finally gets his ass up and in the fucking car where he proceeds to fall asleep and not wake up till we get to the theater.

At the theater the line was already pretty long. Thankfully we had already purchased.. well I had already purchased my tickets and was able to go straight in and wait in the line inside. Which was growing by the minute. We ended up waiting about 45 minutes to be let in and we were standing there shoulder to shoulder. It was too much but thankfully Smutty was around to talk to me on the crackberry & Lo kept texting me so it kept me sane.. We were finally let in and I was asked not once but twice to turn my phone off before the movie even started.. That kinda pissed me off.. I understand no phone during the movie but we hadnt even gotten into the previews..

Before the previews were even done.. Hubs was sound asleep again. He slept through the entire fucking movie. The ENTIRE thing.. and it was soooooooo loud.. the movie that is.. how he slept I dunno..

Now you might be thinking I sound like I'm harboring a wee bit of animosity towards hubs.. You might be right but you just don't know what kind of dickhead he was that ENTIRE day. Fork through his eye is me being NICE..

Now moving on to the movie b/c thats what this post was supposed to REALLY be about..

I swear.. I was so mad when I walked into that theater I didn't think i'd enjoy the movie at all. Hubs has a way of ruining important events for me and this was a HUGE event in my book. BUT.. I sat down in the not real comfy seats.. They leaned back at an awkward angle and well i'm "average" height and it wasnt real comfy. But yet when the previews started.. the rest of the world fell away.. Well except for the lady who sat down next to me.. We were kinda in our own little bubble.. I smiled through the ENTIRE film. I couldnt help it. Even the "sad" parts.. I had this shit eating grin on my face the whole time. Just couldn't help it. I had waited a year for this and it was finally here! I did hold in the fan girl squees and settled for the silly grin..

I loved the movie. I can pick it apart however. It was much better than Twilight. Much better.. There was some iffy CGI moments though. Which I just don't understand unless it was lack of budget & summit was skimping again.. But seriously.. They are going to make the movie for as cheaply as possibly knowing people will go see it anyway.. That said... Here's my take on a few points.. It's very random and has no order to it..

I was ANGRY that they left out the Alice & Charlie talking scene. I felt it was an important part of the book. It should have been included..

The emails to Alice.. I loved it.

They fucked up the grand theft line.. just my pov..

Jasper's smile at the beginning almost killed me. Seriously. His one liners were fantastic. Just wish there had been more.. They totally fucked his hair up but I knew that going in..

I LOVED Charlie.. Absolutely loved him. Billy Burke did a good job.

Bella..KStew did a much better job this time around and i'm not a Kstew fan so it takes alot to say that but she did. She looked a hell of alot better too..

Jacob was Jacob.. There were a few times when I thought "they really should have re-filmed that" .. The shirt removal.. Lots of people in the theater gasped. One chick after he phased. It had gotten quiet and a chick goes "He's soooooooooooo sexy" all dreamy like and everyone busted out laughing..

Edward.. *ducking to avoid most of the flames* He was better in Twilight. Sorry.. It lacked emotion. RPattz just didnt seem to be "feeling it" this time.. I dont know what it was. The most feeling I got out of the entire performance was during the vote and he asked Carlisle why he was doing that to him. I was like HMM why couldn't he be like that through the whole movie? They also made him look like a 40 yo in my opinion. He's supposed to be what 17? I know he's an old vamp but he's supposed to be 17 not 40..

Carlisle.. I still love him. I think his parts were great.

Alice.. Yeah.. not feeling it either.. Sorry. Ashley's acting was far below what I expected. It could have been the bad script she was working with though. There were some lines that I really just shook my head at. I did not like her wardrobe at all this time around. It was kinda lame. They jacked her hair all up too... She looked off.. bad like...

Rosalie... The wig was bad... VERY VERY bad... I felt bad for her hair.

Esme I thought looked wonderful!

Emmett.. I didn't see nearly enough of him. Seriously Lack of Emmett caused me pain..

hmmm what else..

The Wolves... They did a pretty good job on them.. After watching it again.. there is some CGI that could have been better but it was alot better than I anticipated. Atleast compared to Twilight..

The acting of the wolf pack though.. meh... Alex Meraz wasnt bad at all imo.. Jared.. The character got on my last fucking nerve.. His lines were lame and not delivered well.. Quil looked nothing like I had pictured in my head..

Jessica... Anna did great. I laughed... She really did a good job..

Mike.. Again.. lame lines but none the less made me laugh..

Eric.. The crying during the Romeo & Juliette thing.. was really quite funny..

Angela.. She looked so much better this time around. Christian is gorgeous!

now..The Volturi..

Here is where I laugh..

Aro...  Oh he was fantastic..

BUT!!!! every single time he smiled big, got excited, or clapped his hands together.. Oh yeah.. when his voice was high pitched too.. I saw this..

I don't understand it myself.. But the second Aro came on screen and was all high pitched w/ excitement.. I saw Willy Wonka. My mind went right to it and then there was no going back. So now Aro is ruined for me.. He's Willy Wonka.. *shakes head*

Marcus was truly scary looking. VERY VERY creepy!!

Cauis didn't impress me or not impress me. He just didn't seem important in the movie..

Jane.. LOVED HER!!!! Completely.. Dakota Fanning really was a perfect Jane imo. She also looked great!

I actually liked her lines too!

what else..
Laurent bugged me.. He seemed.. Off? His outfit was out there.. Not what I expected. Really it seemed ridiculous..

I know there is more.. I just can't think of it all right now b/c im so flipping exhausted..

Lets see..

I think summit should have invested in another Screen writer. At times I wondered if she even bothered to read the books. You can't blame the actors for a bad script. Not all the script was bad just some of it. Everyone else is working with what they've got. I really think its ashame they didnt let anyone else give it a go. I just haven't been overly impressed with the scripts so far.

The cliff diving scene.. Fell short in so many ways to me. They played it up in the trailer w/ Edward being in the water. I think it didn't live up to expectation at all.

The whole thing looked over edited to me. It felt like they had filmed way more than that but then just edited the fuck out of the whole movie. That bugged me!

The almost kisses between Bella & Jacob.. Seriously started to do me in. I knew they weren't going to kiss but I had the strongest urge to yell kiss her already damn it!

I didn't cry or tear up through the whole thing. Like I said I did smile through it all. I thought the humor was great. The rotation for the dead months.. Left me a little dizzy.. The lady next to me was like oh damn make it stop!

The lady that sat next to me was something else.. She mmm mmm mmm'd her way through EVERYTHING. Normally it would have made me want to shank someone and at times I wanted to tell her to shut up but mostly it didnt bother me b/c she really was enjoying the movie. She kept saying over and over again "that girl is not worth it.. she's nothing but trouble.. man she has bad luck w/ men... she should just give up now" and i couldnt help but laugh at her. she was an older lady and some teenagers shushed her.. She turned around and glared at them.. Then she turned and asked me if I liked the hot tan guy better or the pale white thing.. I told her I was partial to vamps and not underage dogs..

You guys should be proud of me.. 1. the lady grabbed my arm several times through out the movie. I"m a big no touchy person.. I have a personal zone around me.. MY BUBBLE do not touch me or else.. I did gasp and hold my breath.. I even counted ot ten to stay calm.. But the urge to hit her wasnt too bad. I was able to let it go. I liked the woman instantly. 2. When a girl ran into me in the lobby.. I didn't deck her. I wanted to badly but I kept walking..

Anyhow.. Over all.. It was a bad day & night.. Hubs ruined it all for me.. BUT even though I just picked apart the movie.. some of it anyway.. the acting, the screenplay.. and compared Aro to Willy Wonka.. I loved the movie.. Period end of story... I loved it and can't wait for Eclipse to come out..

Oh.. The Remember Me trailer.. I want to see that now and not just b/c of RPattz.. It looks like a good movie!

oh oh.. Know what hubs and I did when we got home from the movie on our first kid free night in years? We went STRAIGHT to bed.. as in .. we both fell asleep and even over slept the next morning!

**please excuse typos or errors.. i'm so tired i'm seeing double

*** oh yeah.. I forgot.. THe soundtrack. Now that i've seen the movie.. The soundtrack works w/ the movie.. I like it IN the movie.. but on its own.. w/ out the movie.. it sucks ass still..

This & That & New Moon

*Walks in and looks around*

Hmm.. It's a little empty in here...

*Kicks wooden chair* Ewwww.... Dust! *sneezes*

Well now... This won't do...
ha.. Like you're ANY sort of housekeeper..

*runs out and comes back with huge over stuffed chair*
*thinks to "other" personality(ies?) * What? I wanna be comfortable..
*runs around at vamp speed cleaning and removing cobwebs*
Man! It didn't take long for this place to go to shit! 

*looks around again*  Huh.. That last post must have really scared the knickers off of some..

*Yells out* Hello.... Hellooooo.. I said HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Oh! Hey there ya are..*waves*  I knew you didn't abandon me for good.. B/c well we're friendly like that.  *blushes*
No I didn't just blush.. It's hot in here.

Now.. Pull up a chair and get comfortable. This might take awhile.

What's on the agenda? Oh nothing much.... I just have a little bit of random to give ya and a few things thats been on my mind. It's not much I promise but you still might want to pull up a chair. Don't worry.. I cleaned the dust before you stepped in.

First off.. There are a number of things that are getting in the way of me visiting this lil slice of heaven lately.
1. Real life is going beyond kicking my ass and is now just beating the shit out of me repeatedly. I'ts like the dominatrix in my fucked up lil world dishing out its own kinda demented sadistic torture.

2. The hubs has been home way too much and its getting on my LAST fucking nerve. He is all up my ass and in my business. It's strange b/c he really is hanging around and not going and doing his own thing. This bugs me. I don't like it. I'm not used to having someone up my ass like that. SPACE PLEASE....Its hard to post w/ him right here.. considering he knows nothing about this blog. *waves at Mr. Blog..* , The twitter account, or the other twi related obsessions.. hmph. see?

3. I've been babysitting. Some really weird good kids. They are like aliens from another planet compared to my kidlets. I've NEVER seen other children like this. They are way too good. Polite, quiet, etc. They don't fight. They don't argue. You have to strain to hear them. They are super smart.. And..like me they don't watch tv so Its nice and quiet around here.. Yet.. its weird. I have mucho respect for their momma.. I'm just not used to the goodness is all. Compared to my kids.. Oye.. there is no comparison.

4.I've been trying to write. The story that shall not be pimped here.. The last chapter was kinda hard to write and it took awhile.. So i've been preoccupied with that.

Then...

Have you ever felt like just yelling at people SCREW YOU.. No i'm not yelling that at you guys. Not at all but Yes I feel like yelling that at a few people. Even more so I feel like tying them to the back of the space shuttle and seeing what happens when it takes off.. WOOT! Good times!

Now I felt the need for an image for this part of the post.. I was originally going to go w/ the fucked up big bird below.. 

He kinda gave me the creeps. There is something rather creepy about this picture.. Edited as it may be.. Its fucking weird.. So instead.. I kept looking just like any of us other google image searchers would do and of course as I kept looking the twidar went off.. Who knew that a phrase as simple as screw you would bring up something Twi related? Well the entire twidom of course! And we ended up w/ this..

 See.. The twidom has spoken again..

Now see the Inlaws are driving me fucking mad. Insanely so. They bring out the worst in me and I have visions of bad things happening to them or doing bad things to them. It's really not a good thing but it is their own fault. They don't have to be so fucking evil!

This image.. Yeah it makes me feel better.. So much better..

Know what makes me feel even better? No? Seriously you guys don't keep up do you?

*sighs* I guess I should get this over with now shouldn't I. It's bound to happen so I'm just gonna throw my party here and get it over with so I can act like a grown up again *whispers* b/c ogling men on my sidebar is soooooooooooooooooo grown up..

Ready?

*happy dance... squeeeeeee.... happy dance...... shakes money maker..... squeeee... Screams* OMG..

Now see.. That wasn't so bad.. Was it? What am I so excited about.. O.M.G....

I'm going to see New Moon!

(Yeah the posters are fan made and the first has wrong information on it .. but.. I like em that way!)

I got my tickets the other day. I actually got giddy and shit.. BUT.. there is a downside. 1. i'm not going opening day. For many reasons. First is that I can not handle the crowd associated with it. The urge to hurt someone will be way 2 intense. Then.. Tickets = sold out = fail.. I'm going Saturday night. As it is.. That crowd will be bad enough.. 2nd downside.. Hubs is going with. He decided we needed some sort of stupid night out or some shit. yeah.. i'd rather he wasn't the one going with me. If he ruins this movie for me (and chances are pretty great that he will try to do just that) he may never walk back out of that theater.. Now thats not a i'm going to kill him threat (which could possibly maybe happen) no.. its not.. It's just what it says. He may not WALK out.. He might Limp out, crawl out, or even have to be carried on a stretcher. But anyway..

And then there's this..

I'm pretty certain.. That.. I do not like the New Moon soundtrack. Even though I have yet to see the movie it's dawning on me a little more everytime I hear it that there are only one or two songs I really like. The whole thing is really rather mellow and that's not the right tone to me. So while i'm hoping i'm proven wrong come Saturday night.. I don't think I am going to change my mind. I really just don't like it. This hurts my heart.. Truly it does..

Oh.. and I have found myself for the first time a slight bit jealous.. Yes it's a first but its for a good reason.. You see..  Our friend... Memory Jean has come into possession of a FULL SIZE Jasper..Yes the wonderment has my heart overflowing in jealousy. She had him in her closet.. She put a Jo Bros shirt on him and showed us the pic.. This  hurts my heart for him.. I mean the poor dear was put in a Jo Bros shirt!! And while i'm not completely sure a FSJ could hold up to the extreme chaos in my house..  I'm still a bit jealous.

Hmmmm.. *thinks hard and looks around confused* Oh yeah!!! *jumps up excitedly*  Did you see my introduction into the world of hating via comment? What do you mean you have no idea what i'm talking about? UGH! You guys make everything so difficult. You really should pay attention more and be more like me.. You know.. *snickers* LESS Difficult!

Anyhow..  some of you may or may not have seen my anon hate comment left on FireCr0tch's post at We Bite Pretty Hard.. Yeah she had it coming. Really they both did. Too bad I didn't mean a damn word I said.. Well except the rebuttal of me loving them and not meaning a word of it. I meant that part.. but the hate.. I didn't mean the hate.. But still it was fun.. You can go here to see what i'm talking about.. Really now.. Run along but come back now... ya hear?

Moving along... *sighs* are you still awake?

Okay Just checking.. lets move on..

So.. Some of you may have seen. Well those who follow my ridiculousness on twitter may have seen.. My dear sweet Lo.. The goodness that she is.. She sent me a mini-E for HER bday. My birthday's not until *cough*january*cough* AND On the very same day that Mini-E arrived.. I found VF.. WOOT!!

See..

It was truly a good day filled with fun times and wonderment. Oh the gods looked down upon me and smiled.. WOOT. Until Mini E decided he was not to be called Mini E and instead waned to be called Eddie.. I found it a wee bit strange but who am I to question an twifigure? Plus.. He about did me in when he decided my drink was his..

So.. Mini E I mean Eddie will be going to see New Moon with me. He said Lo had a big long talk with him about behavior and when the right time to jump out of my purse for photo ops would be. So for Lo he shall be going along. He'll have his very own private seat in my purse. Surely he can get by w/ using my ticket since he won't actually be using up an entire seat himself.. Right?

hmm what else...

Oh yes.. I got blue hair dye.. I shall take advantage of it closer to thanksgiving so parts of my hair will be a bold blue when the time comes to show it off.. Yes that should/shall be fun.. I can hear it now *listens carefully* "Mothers of four don't dye their hair blue" *busts out laughing*

Hubs broke my damn camera... So you guys are stuck w/ pictures Stan may or may not take when he feels like it.. Stan is of course the beloved crackberry.. He doesn't always work when it comes ot pictures. Sometimes he locks up and i have to do a battery pull. Others the flash refuses to work. We'll call her gertrude..Anyhow.. Stan is iffy w/ his picture taking skillz..

There was more.. Mabye my brain has taken a break? Shall it come back?

Anyhow.. we'll draw this post to a close now.. It's only taken a few hours to actually write this b/c entertaining the alien good kids is alot of work.. It's only a few more days until I can see New Moon. I've waited how long for that day? Oh about a year? It's finally here.. OMG.. What if it sucks ass and I have to burn Summit down? *rolls eyes... looks at ground and kicks rocks* Yes.. I know.. if something happens to Summit.. i'll be the first person looked at.. I'll tell ya now.. I didn't do it.. K.. okay.. we're cool.. Summit & me.. Like Swift & West.. You know.. Taylor Swift & Kanye West.. Yes stupid lousy joke.. *mumbles* It was bad.. Im sorry..

Just a few more days until I get to see more of this guy..

Oh.. That wasn't enough? How about this?

BUT then there's this... Can you get enough? Frankly I can't..



Mmmm.. Angsty baby.. Angsty..

Oh but we mustn't forget Emmett.. No.. we need Emmett..

Now that we've got the pretty out of the way we can move on to the less important but yet still important stuff.. Like what? Im'ma show you.. hold your horses..

1. I got a new silver sharpie marker yesterday. See yesterday was just a good day all around.. WOOT! Sharpie FTW... And its Silver magicness to boot! This just makes all for deliciousness wonderfuckment.. Yes its truly a specfucktacular day all around.. Yesterday that is.. I used it first to color on Demi Moore in my Vanity Fair magazine. Now not to offend anyone.. but.. That magazine bores the fuck out of me.. Just sayin..

2. My sister and I have matching tattoos.. mine's on my wrist. hers is on her leg.. I want to add something above mine. Hubs says its a bad idea and would upset my sister if I changed mine in any way.. Even if its just adding above it.. He thinks I shouldnt even mention this "idea" to her.. thoughts?

3. My "OTHER" personalities.. are tired alot lately.. this adds to the not being here drama and my falling behind on EVERYTHING .. like crackfic reading.. *shakes head & mumbles* fucking sleep

4. I can't remember what 4 was but there was a 4..

Anyhow.. I'm finished now but I leave you with this because.. its important and its a good song..

Emmett comes to visit... .... and Rosalie too

You've got to remember my post the other day.. A revision and a dream .. You know the one about me being chased by a sniper and Emmett and Rosalie coming to my rescue only for her (omg work with me here.. you know what her i'm talking about... Rosalie) to kiss me and then me being shot in the back while she's kissing me.. Yeah that dream...

What? You didn't read about it? Are you fucking kidding me?
*huffs* Fine! I'll wait.. Go now..
What? *looks around* Why are you still standing there? That was an order!
*taps foot*  I'm still waiting..

*Smiles big* I'm so glad you're back. Now we can be on the same page because Emmett came to talk about it.... He brought Rosalie with him but I asked her to wait outside for right now.  You guys get why..Right?

**I don't own 'em.. I just dream about 'em**

I used a pic of them smiling. It's such an odd thing to see Rosalie smile.. and believe me this is NOT the Rosalie I am acquainted with.. Now I must move along because I can't fathom leaving Emmett waiting..

**Turns music down and opens door wide to let Mr. Emmett in**

Me: *grins and hugs Emmett TIGHTLY*  Mmmmmm Emmett baby!

I've waited soooooooooooooo fucking long for that....

You are certainly looking....... Edible..

*wicked smile and winks*  I'm sure you know by now why you are here?

Emmett: Yea Babe..*smirks* You're kinda edible yourself...

ME: *shivers* mmm ya.. Does that mean...... You wanna bite me?

**shakes head**     no.. don't answer that....

*runs finger down Emmett's chest*  YET...We need to move on..

*points to leather sofa*  Have a seat..

You know why I chose that picture of you right? The New Moon picture?

*waits patiently*

Emmett: *shrugs shaking his head*

ME: Seriously Em... You have no idea?

*runs and jumps in Emmett's lap*   This is okay right?  *points between us*

*wraps arms tighter around Emmett's neck*

You see..Em darling.. You look positively breathtaking and awesome in Twilight. Here i'll show you

 

See what I mean baby? Beautiful..

*shakes head & points finger* No! Don't interrupt me.

Twilight you were good. So very very good..

BUT.. New Moon Emmett.. Oh. My. Fucking. God...

Darker..more sinister..New Moon Emmett.. Honey.. if I was wearing panties.. They'd melt..

*snuggles into his chest* But... That's not why you're here and I'm kinda mad at you.

Which makes me wanna... anyhow why you are here...

My dream sweets.. My friends had some questions about that.. and I wouldn't mind having some answers myself...

You see.. Smutty has some questions for you.. while.. FireCr0tch has some for Rosalie..

I have so many questions myself. I'm not sure where to begin. But really though.

*strokes Emmett's chest*

You'd like my friends Em.. We could all get together and... play.. I have good friends..

and.. You are one of my fav Cullens..

Emmett: *pushes me away slightly*  Fav? Babe! I've seen the side bar. I've seen the posts..and..lets not forget what you put me through in your story!

Me: Oh..The story we wont talk about..and... Emmett don't be silly! I've never made my Jasper fascination a secret. You guys share the number one spot in my vampire infested heart. I can't help it. You tie. I love you no less because of it. Now if you want to....me...you... Jasper... *closes eyes and groans*  mmmm ..

Anyhow.. My dream Emmett.. *grabs Emmett's hands*  Stop distracting me..

Smutty's questions.. *whispers in Em's ear and resists the urge to bite*  don't look at her blog for a few days. K.

*runs fingers along Em's jaw* mmm. *mutters oh god to self*  be nice to smutty and answer her questions..

Smutty says:

First and foremost,  Emmett has ever happened before? I mean does Rosalie make a habit of swooping down in the night and rescuing chicks just to make out with them? 

Em: It hasn't happened LIKE that before.

Me: wait.. you mean it has happened before? Rosie.. Can I call her Rosie? She makes a habit of rescuing chicks to make out?

Em: You better stick with calling her Rosalie. She's bitchy about that. Unless you were to be *winks* then you could call her anything you wanted. But no she doesn't usually rescue anyone. She's not like that. She doesn't really care. But making out. *smirks*

Did Emmett know what Rose was doing? I'm thinking he did for the fact that all Rose had to say was "Emmett" and he knew to scoop you out of the backseat and place you in front of her like a sacrificial lamb. *snorts* Not that your a lamb by any stretch of the imagination.
Me: *smirks* Well?
Em:  *nods grinning ear to ear* What do you want me to say? Either way I'm mud. Rosie's a bit controlling. Truth is. I let her control shit. It's fucking HOT. You've heard about the houses we've destroyed. It wasn't an accident and after all these years together I know just how to please her.
Me: You also know just how to skirt your way around a question.

Did Emmett know you were going to get shot.  I'm thinking not. But, where was that kiss going in Rose's mind? Surely it wasn't JUST going to be a kiss. 
Me: See Em *glares*.. As much as I want adore you. This is where I disagree w/ Smutty.. I can't help but think you knew I'd be shot.
Em: Woah Babe! Don't be like that. Your friend Smutty is right. I had no idea. We didn't want to kill him. Carlisle doesn't like us to kill. Even those who deserve it. You know how he is babe! *bites his lip & looks up at me pleading*  Forgive me?
Me: *groans & mumbles* not the fucking lip!
Em: *winks and trails a finger down my v neck shirt*  It's never JUST a kiss..

Me: *swallows hard* I umm.. uh..God.. can I bite you? mmm.. I.. uh..never mind.. What else did Smutty say...


If all of this has happened before, is Emmett an on-looker or does he eventually join in? Was this whole thing some poly initiation? Were you going to become their 3rd? And would they have eventually turned you? Or were you going to end up the meal had you not gotten shot?
Me: Oh wow.. So many questions.. I'm not sure I want the answers.. Oh fuck it.. Emmett?

Em: You're fucking hot when you are flustered. It would have been up to you. I don't mind just watching though it's not usually the plan. What would YOU have wanted? No real initiation. If Rosie liked you.. She'd have kept you. You wouldn't have had much of a choice. You wouldn't have even cared. If she wanted you, you wouldn't have denied her, you'd have followed along like a puppy.

Me: What? Like you? I mean that's what everyone thinks about you. So I'd have been a fucking pet?

****so hott plays in background.... You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex I can tell you're trouble but I'm still obsessed****

Em: Is that what YOU think? Look at her sjA. I'm not a puppy. I go willingly. You would too.. Pet maybe, but you'd enjoy it.  She's HOT..

****You're like the kiss of death, like the hand of fate, I can tell you're trouble but I still want a taste****

 *smirks* Meal...she wouldn't let me eat you. *winks* Not like that.... Turned...if she liked you.. she'd keep you around..

Me: You know Em... This is how you looked in my dream..

all broody and yummy and...*closes eyes*  mmmmm.. I think I should stop before..

Oh fuck who could that be?

**Opens door**

Me: *adjusts shirt and checks finger nails..yawns*

Oh..Right.. Rosalie.. Sorry. I almost forgot about you..

Rose: *walks over to stand next to Em*  You were touching what belongs to me.

Me: I won't apologize when I'm not sorry.You let me get shot.

Plus. I'm not passing up the chance to touch that... *points at Emmett*

Rose: *huffs* It was a dream sjA. Get over it and he's not a piece of meat.

Me: *looks Em up and down and winks* 

He's one hell of a piece of meat. I'd be willing to ...Share...

Rose: I don't share... unless you want....

Me: Just stop Rosalie.. we don't have time for this..

Know why I picked that pic of you in Twilight and not the one in New Moon?

Rose: No, but you're going to tell me.

Me: I like your hair better. *smirks* They jacked your shit up in new moon..

Rose: *Glares* Bitch

Me: *grins* you want me...

Rose: and?

Me:  *shrugs*  We could do this all day but FireCr0tch has some questions for you about what happened while you were IN my dream..*smirks*  K

FireCr0tch says:

Why the heck didn't you kill the sniper for sjAimee instead of running?

Rose: Em already answered this before but we don't want to kill unless we have to. We were sure we had outrun him. I guess our "senses" were consumed with ...something else *wicked grin*

Em: yea consumed *chuckles* ......Ouch! Rosie don't hit so hard!

Me: Rosalie be nice to Emmett.. *blows Em a kiss*

Rose: *Rolls eyes* He's being an ass

Why did you kiss her?

Me: *raises eyebrow* hmm?

Rose: Do I need to even answer this?

Em: Rosie's dirty like that...huh babe?

Rose: *smacks Em in the back of the head* She wanted me to.

Me: huh?

How was it?

Em: mmmmm *winks* It was fun to watch. Like free porn. Next time I wanna...OWE! *rubs head*

Rose: Shut up Emmett!! It was good.. For a human she can fucking kiss and her lips.. Very soft full lips.. NICE *winks at me*

Me: you know Em.. These questions were for Rosalie.. You had your turn..

Em: Yeah but I wasn't asked how it was...*pouts*

Me: You didn't kiss me

Em: I didn't get a chance *smirks*

Rose: *clears throat*

Did you drink her blood after she was shot in the back?

Rose: No and I dont want to talk about what happened after she was shot.

Em: It's hard for Rosie. She was really shaken up, but it wasn't real babe.. She's here now and you can..OUCH! Damn it Rose!

What do you represent in sjAimee's real life?

Rose: I have no idea. There are so many things. Maybe her need to be saved from the chaos? Or maybe she's just dirty minded and I helped fill that fantasy.. Maybe we should focus more on the sniper and not my need to kiss her?  *walks towards me with wicked grin*

Me: I uh.. ummm Rosalie... *shivers* I uh... *takes step back* I uh mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Em: SWEET! Uh...*clears throat*  Hey babe.. She's human.. She has to breathe...

Me: **pants...gasps... trying to catch breath**

Rose: *Smiles sweetly* That's how that should have went.. **Waves** See ya tonight. In your dreams of course..

Me: *looks at Emmett* Oh.. Fucking.. Wow..

Em: *smirks* Puppy?

Bipolar takes a break......

If you're looking for Bipolar information you won't find alot of it here anymore. I do post about my bipolar illness when the need strikes me. You can find out a bit about me by checking out my About me page .

If you have any questions about Bipolar Illness or my bipolar illness specifically you can always email me and I will respond back to you as quickly as I can. Email addy is on the side bar.

Please don't think that I've pushed my illness to the back burner. That's simply not the case. I still post about it just not nearly as often as I once did. I've ran a bipolar blog among other bipolar sites for the last 8 years under various names and it's time for me to just chill a bit and be my random crazy self and not just focus on the bipolar disorder. I need that right now. I hope you all understand.

Here is some links to some great bipolar, mental health and general people blogs who may help you....

Catatonic Kid
Tenuous at Best
If You're Going Through Hell Keep Going

Did You Take Your Meds?

Polar Bear Blog

Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog) 

Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar